In the course of three weeks we would go from that parking lot conversation to being the most talked about people in our part of the county.
After we made the decision to do whatever it took to be together we started planning. Isn’t that our first instinct as humans? I’m not saying that to make
a plan is a bad thing. But it doesn’t always occur to me in the beginning that God is the one in control of things.
Throughout those weeks I referred to in my previous post as a blur we would consumate our relationship. Ray resigned the next day from his Patoral position at the church and before his two weeks was up we would be caught and he would be forced to confess his sin to the head Deacon and would be asked to resign again. Only this time it would be effective immediately. He was kicked out of the parsonage and basically out of the county. He was ridden out of town on a rail.
The fallout was tremendous. He was affected more than I was. He lost one of his two primary sources of income, his home, his children and the respect of 
an entire congregation. He would have a strained relationship with family members and friends. It would take a long time to restore those. Restoration is still yet to be found for some. You can read about it on his blog. I also recommend his book.
For a few weeks I barricaded myself inside my home. Aside from going to work I didn’t leave the house. I was afraid if I stepped outside the security of my home that God would strike me dead then and there. I was humiliated and ashamed. I had betrayed my best friend and my church family. I had lied to everyone I knew including my own mother. I didn’t feel like I could face anyone again.
As word spread of our affair we both started to receive texts and emails from church members. Some were friends of mine outside of church and were related to my soon to be ex-husband. Looking back on it now I think they had the best of intentions but I was angry. I lashed out at them and told most of them to mind their own business.
I was dead wrong and I knew I was. I knew I deserved nothing but hatred from all those I had hurt. I feared God would never have enough grace in his pocket to cover all that I had done. I felt like the worst human being on the planet. I felt so terrible that I couldn’t even ask for God’s forgiveness.
Ray was stranded in a junky rental house in the next county and I was hiding 
like a criminal in my own home. We texted and talked when we could but the mood was bleak much of the time. We were afraid to even see each other for fear that someone would string us up. From the outside some would say that was irrational. When you’re in it it is anything but.
Why were we upset? This was what we wanted wasn’t it? To be free so we could be together? You would think that but neither of us was prepared for what we went through. We knew it would be bad if we got caught. Living it was worse than we thought.
