Full of rattled nerves and a knotted up stomach, Ray and I finally met face to face to talk about the future of our relationship. I was sure it had come to an end. We had crossed more than one moral line during our emotional affair and the right thing to do was to end it and to repent of our sins.
I had played the scenario over in my mind a hundred times. We would meet face to face and I with my steely resolve would declare an end to our relationship. He would agree that we had crossed the line and that it was time to put an end to it. We would pledge our eternal silence to one another and go our separate ways.
I was prepared to lay it all out there just as rehearsed. As I started my argument he interrupted me and asked if he could be the first to talk. What he said to me would not only shock me but it would change everything that would happen to us for the rest of our lives.
He professed his undying love to me. He told me that he was willing to do anything to be with me. He told me that he wanted me to be his wife. He 
would give up his marriage, his ministry and everything he had known for the last 17 years to call me his for the rest of his life.
Unbelievable! This would be my undoing. My plan and everything I had rehearsed went straight out the window. I did give my speech one final and feeble attempt but to no avail. I was so shocked I didn’t know what to say.
We were traveling even farther into the sinful relationship that both of us knew we shouldn’t be having. We were turning a blind eye to God and abandoning everything we knew was right.
We had several very serious conversations after that meeting about the weight of the sin we were committing. We knew what we wanted and we knew that in order to have it we would have to make some big sacrifices. We also knew that what we wanted went against everything that we knew was right not only in the eyes of God but in the eyes and hearts of everyone we knew and loved as well.
I spent alot of time wondering how something that was so wrong could feel so right. Each and every day I was in spiritual turmoil over everything that had and was transpriring. I worried there would be no grace to be had. We both did.
We both had marriages that were over. Mine was in the first stages of divorce proceedings and his was in the post-marital counseling, pre-divorce stage. You can read more about that on his blog. But regardless of the state of our marital relationships, neither of us was in the position to persue the other within the bounds of righteousness.
Our relationship was not forged without much grief and spiritual strife. We both struggled and questioned ourselves. We both chose to ignore what we were taught and what we knew to be right from wrong. We both abandoned our beliefs and looked ahead into the unknown. The nexts few weeks would go by in a blur.
