Eventually Ray and I would gather up enough courage to see each other again. The time that we spent apart was terrible but we both had our own disasters to deal with. In an attempt to protect me he tried to take the blame for the whole thing. It was too late. The scarlet letters had been handed out and I had already adorned mine. 
I felt ashamed but I owned that shame. I loved this man and I was not going to let him suffer these trials alone. I accepted my responsibility in the whole thing and I stood by him. If stones were going to be thrown it would be at us both.
Starting at Fallout Day 1 I had this constant nagging in my stomach. The only time it settled was when I was with Ray. As long as we were together it all seemed okay. I knew at this point the only thing to do was throw ourselves at God’s feet and to beg him for forgiveness and mercy.
I knew my God in all his glory would not withold forgiveness from me but I 
felt like a horrible wretch. He sacrificed his one and only perfect son on the cross to pay for my filthy and terrible sins. In my heart I felt unworthy. I was humbled to even be breathing at this point. I knew God held the power to turn me to dust and yet he chose to let me live on.
I don’t share many of the intimate details of our story mainly because they belong only to me but I feel it is important to share those things that are blessings to us. One of the most important parts of receiving a blessing is sharing it with others. That is one of the ways we can teach others about our loving God and his wonderful grace and mercy.
One of the things we did during this post fallout time was pray together. I kept confessing my fear to Ray that if we didn’t literally fall flat on our faces and scream and cry to God begging him for forgiveness that he was going to turn away from us forever. He assured me that God would never leave us and that if anyone turned away it was us.
That sweet and intimate prayer time between us with God helped to forge our relationship. Even though we had just spent the last few months engaged in 
deceitful sin, we had a real and honest desire in our hearts to live a life pleasing to God. The story in John 8 tells us of the woman caught in adultery. After the crowd has gone and there is no one left to condemn her Jesus tells her to go and sin no more. Much like that woman, we had no other friend in this world but Jesus.
Ray and I had a tremendous amount of healing to do. We had a long journey ahead of us. We travel still on a long and winding road, each day striving for holiness and we will for the rest of our time here on earth.
